Saturday, 17 July 2010

Splitting, projection, child abuse, trafficking and international crime




Today I learned about splitting and projection before during and after World War Two in Germany and the extreme detrimental effects of using shame as a way to modify a child's behaviour. You can read more about the work of Mary Katherine Armstrong here. She has also written a very interesting article called The Price We Pay for Shaming Little Boys
I went on an internet safari researching several things at once following a very busy day I had yesterday. Following reading reports on child protection especially those about the 'Rights of the Child' that were several years old; it struck me fairly heavily the collusion of judicial courts of law on both sides of the Atlantic in the tradition of favouring abusers' rights over children's rights to the extent that many professionals like Doctors and Nurses, even fear for their careers and disciplinary punishments if they disclose findings of abuse.

The suggestions of the Rights of the Child report haven't sufficiently been followed through; there are still 'waiting rooms' where trafficked children are mistreated and even beaten by French Airport Police, mother's trying to protect their children from their own fathers are still being locked up a year at a time because they have 'prevented their child from seeing their father'; original findings of Doctors that show a child has an STD (sexually transmitted disease) are later overturned and changed to ambiguous phrases like 'I was misled, the abuse was alleged, their behaviour tendered the assumption' - I think there is nothing more unambiguously a sign of abuse than an STD in a minor.

The fact that the French Government backs up the Judicial Courts who are in charge of caring for families and children, as well as the Medical Board; smacks to me of much more insidious collusion by people in authority to not have full transparency over their actions, or to change laws simply to reinforce protection of a child over a potential abuser. The involvement of police, the identification by NGO's of many abusers being in the judicial system all begs for a massive upheaval and sifting through of courts of law and re-evaluation of many cases - without the protectionism that is clearly rife within them.

This is a deep scar across European and worldwide systems of government and judiciary systems. It is blatant; it is clear that children are being trafficked along routes of transportation that the police already know about as revealed in the McCan case where the Portuguese police 'always believed she had been kidnapped by an international paedophile network who could leave the country to Morocco via the nearest port'.

I also found out that according to projections; profits from Human Trafficking are going to be higher than the drugs trade. That there is a highly complex network of criminal gangs operating across Europe and that 'France is a destination country for women and girls trafficked for the purposes of sexual exploitation from Romania, Bulgaria, Albania, Nigeria, Sierra Leone, Cameroon, and Malaysia and other Asian countries. Men, women and children continued to be trafficked for the purposes of forced labor, including domestic servitude, many from Africa.

Often their “employers” are diplomats who enjoy diplomatic immunity.
- U.S. State Dept Trafficking in Persons Report, June, 2009

And yet it was only a few years ago that police expressed doubt about the existence of such networks - oh I wonder why? It strikes me that if you want to find out who these are run by then asking those people 'protecting' them; should be your first port of call.

The recent findings of the child abuse scandal in Belgium that eventuated in the sentencing of Marc Dutroux also uncovered multiple perpetrators from diplomats and judges right up to the royal family - none of whom have ever been sentenced despite identification and testimonials by their victims. This is all covered in the book Dossiers X which was the evidence that had to be leaked by its finders after their investigation was 'taken over' and therefore buried and they themselves lost their jobs. I would hate to be a police officer stumbling upon the fact that his/her superiors were involved in human trafficking for their own scary pleasures - I mean what do you do? You leak the evidence to the public. Then what? Then what do you do? What can the public do? I mean even if they question and debate they may not act. And what actions can they take?

Well these were the questions I asked myself today. There were lots of suggestions from the NGO's, from individuals who speak on behalf of children's rights.

First action that might be helpful is to increase space for children at risk. There was for example only one home for one area of France that could take only 1 out of 10 abused children. Which left oh about 900 kids to just get on with it. That's unacceptable and this is only one department of France. Recently in front of the world's eyes France bulldozed camps of illegal immigrants many of whom were clearly minors. I think people have this rosy idea that they were immediately 'taken care of by the authorities'. I dread to think what that really means.

There are thousands of NGO's and individuals around the world that are working against this tide of human trafficking and child abuse within their communities. All I can say is, wherever you are, whatever your role in society - help them; blow the whistle, make a mental note of strange activities you might see, check over the faces for kids who go missing and their locations AND connect the dots. Then when you finally discover something like the Dutroux case, find away to follow the leads and sentence ALL of those involved. Many police have apathy that though they might find a network one day and close it down, it starts up again the next. We have to find a way for this to NOT possible. Only convicting the middlemen is an impotent approach - of course they will start again the next day. I think alliances between organisations are very important to be able to get the bigwigs, the profiteers, the ones 'allowing' and perhaps even aiding and abetting the continuity of trafficking. Maybe they're benefiting financially and perhaps the 'silence' of some folk is also obtained financially.

If abusers have diplomatic immunity then there needs to be some way the law must also apply to them. Immunity should not mean the ability to get away with crimes, especially crimes of this insidious nature. Otherwise trafficking networks will continue to spring up the next day - because they can.

I'm no genius but in my humble opinion there's few worse crimes than child abuse and yet in a court of law there is an almost casual approach to the punishment of child abusers erring towards leniency than their removal from the reach of children. Perhaps because there are so many. Perhaps because they are usually also victims and it goes way way back. Which brings me back to splitting and projection. Splitting and projection are psychological defenses:-

'Splitting is understood in this way: when we find a personality trait in ourselves which we consider unacceptable, we deny that we are like this. We split off ownership of this part of ourselves. As for projection, we attribute the hated quality to someone else and despise it in the other.
Splitting and projection allow us to think well of ourselves and to be comfortable with ourselves. We have all the self-righteous satisfaction of being “right thinking people”. We belong to the right side. We are one of the “good guys”. We are worthy of love and acceptance.'

How many of us are splitting and projecting all the time. We are reeling from one the most violent centuries in history and never before has there been more violence, more slavery, more crimes against humanity than there is now.
Alice Miller wrote 'Whoever they are and however dreadful their crimes, deep down inside every dictator, mass murderer, terrorist cowers the humiliated child they once were, a child that has only survived through the complete and utter denial of its feelings of helplessness. But this complete denial of suffering once borne creates an inner void. Very many of these people will never develop a capacity for normal human compassion. Thus they have few if any qualms about destroying human life, neither that of others nor the void they carry around inside themselves. Today, we can actually see the lesions in the brains of beaten or badly neglected children on the screen of a computer.'The Wellspring of Horror in the Cradle”
And here's a case in point 'Alice Miller provides a dramatic description of Hitler's night terrors as witnessed by his followers when der Führer would wake at night with convulsive screams, yelling for help like a frightened child, hallucinating that "he" was there in the room'. And look what happened because of his shame, his splitting and his projection...

If we can start healing the shame; start holding back the raised fists of others, interrupt their verbal put downs, alert them to their own suffering and their potential for healing. If we can change the paperwork to really protect a child, suppress laws that favour abusers, build more sanctuaries for those who are neglected, who are on the peripheries of society; those who have been pushed there by the endless tide of greed and profiteering at their expense and also by our closed eyes, our closed ears, and our closed mouths.

To have a positive impact in this world sometimes you have to shout louder, much louder than the crowd and you have to have your priorities straight.
Yes each day do one thing on behalf of yourself and your family. But each day do one thing on behalf of the world and your global family.




Wednesday, 14 July 2010

The Healing Journey

Picture - The Healing Journey by Margeaux Gray

This morning I was talking to a survivor about her healing journey. 'Ten years ago' she said she acknowledged what had happened but then it took four years to reach out and start healing, then she encountered the Army of Angels and it wasn't until last year at their conference that she felt able to forgive herself; because so often instead of blaming the appropriate people we blame ourselves.

I asked her because I have been having terrible dreams - she also had terrible dreams to the extent that she would freak out - while asleep and once nearly punched her husband when he kissed her goodnight while she was already asleep; because as a child of course her abusers had similarly disturbed her at night.

After talking I couldn't stay awake. I had had a rough night. When you get bad dreams you don't want to sleep. But then even as you're not sleeping the worst things can enter your mind. It's like a spiritual Dante-an type of purging of the psyche or something. The more I move these days; the more 'stuff' comes up. Needless to say I haven't wanted to move for a very very long time. But that's exactly what has prompted me to move, to exercise, to take risks that may seem small fish for other folk.

She said that 'everything' that happened in her healing journey was something she found difficult to do or deal with. Essentially she was facing and overcoming her fears and not necessarily for herself either but for those around her; so that she could be a rationally protective parent rather than the one that was still traumatised years later, or overprotective, and just wanted to sleep the whole day through.

Like I did. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted 'it' to 'end' that continuum of awareness that says 'I am bad'. Only 'it' is me. It's as though I had to become someone else because I can't be that 'me' any more. And that 'becoming' is tremendously difficult; it's like a whole realignment of your consciousness, of your self awareness.

One of the reasons she cited for her own self-forgiveness was the joy of all these other survivors at the conference; how they lived their passions; their joy at having survived and their strength; that same strength that enabled them to carry on now shone in their smiles and eyes and their work.

As she spoke about this joy that she encountered I listened enthralled. It was so uplifting; such a counter weight to the'badness' I persistently felt inside and heard in my head; 'I am bad, I'm a bad person'. I had heard and felt it for days now. But these were survivors; they had suffered and come through to the other side and now they tried to help others heal not in an ineffective sympathetic wishy washy way; but in a way that said 'This worked for me and her and him and them. Try this' or an 'I'm here for you if you need to talk or to call'. Or 'This is how I came out of a dis-empowering situation where I had nothing, where I felt trapped, where I felt insignificant and 'lower than a dog' and 'now here I am, I have bought my own house, I have got my driving licence, I have my own business, I have kept down a job for three years, which is two years and eleven months longer than any other job AND I have forgiven myself. I deserve to be joyful'.

'Joy cannot coexist with violence' as Angela Shelton says. And it's as much the violence that persists within; that we do to ourselves as that which has been done to us by others.

Joy is also the greatest weapon we have against our self doubts and self harming thoughts and actions. Our discovery of the passion that leads to that joy somehow comes about through this mysterious healing journey. Without what happened or is happening; perhaps we would never know what our 'joy' is; what our 'passion' is, or what our 'work' is. Nor would we be able to value and appreciate it as much if it had not once been taken from us, if we had not once deemed ourselves unworthy of it, if our strength had not been sapped so perniciously by others.

'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' But what almost kills you can make you weak for a very long time afterwards. There is no indignity in trying to fight that fight, and giving up again and again and losing that fight again and again when it rears its head in other circumstances and misfortunes. There is no shame in failing again and again because the weapons you have left to fight with have got so worn down they are blunt and useless; the shield is dented, the helmet holed; your fighting heart is so weary and sad. None of that makes you a bad person. It does not matter if you couldn't do your job because you could not sleep the night before, or were literally afraid of your boss, or interacting with customers. It does not make you a bad person.

You are not bad because the weapons you were born with; your fighting spirit, your pride, your head held high, your cheek; all those things have got whittled away, eroded and thrown aside. For many of us, all that we had left to fight with was our raw spirit that had been trodden on again and again.

It does not make you a bad person because you can't explain yourself; because you get tongue tied; because your heart beats so fast at the simplest of things the fear strangles your throat and you have to hold a table real hard just to appear 'normal'.

It does not make you a person that you have no money left, that your paperwork is in disarray, that you can just about manage to keep body and soul together from one day to the next.

It does not make you a bad person that when others 'need' you that you're short tempererd; that what you really want to do is cry and curl up and sleep or die only you can't. You can't because somehow these others are saving you with their presence. Without you, they could not keep going. Without you, they would not know love. Without your short tempered moments, they would not have dinner and the loving moments. Because believe me they see you want to cry and give up and die, but they also see how your anger fuels you to keep standing; to find the tin opener and tin and bring the two together. You have just taught them how a soul, though it has already given up a hundred thousand times; how it persists. You have just taught them how to keep going when there's nothing left but raw will holding you together.

So you are not a bad person; I am not a bad person. Actually you are extraordinary. In those ordinary moments that absolutely no-one else notices or sees or values. That you can never give as an example of your strength of character because there have been so many of them and yet they were all so ordinary - there was nothing special about them you think even to yourself.

Those moments when you got up, stood up, carried on, kept going, lifted your head up, or just trudged on looking at the ground, or had tears falling down yourself while you pretended to be looking in the fridge for something. Or those moments when you went to the sanctuary of the bathroom for time out. Those nobody-else-knows-about moments. I want to say they're your extraordinary moments; they are something incredible.

That you who were so engulfed by pain, so that your body contorts and yet there is no escape, whether you curl up or straighten up; some internal and external meeting of agonies and yet somehow you created and 'afterwards'. You got up you wiped your face, you walked out every step laden by the same pain that just had you collapse to the floor or bed, or against the bath, or a wall, you walked out and you said 'Hello, how can I help you?' and 'Have a nice day'.

Those nobody-else-knows-about moments. I want to say I know about them. And you; you are amazing. And if you're amazing, then that must mean I'm amazing too and NOT a bad person whose everyone-should-know-about moments, nobody knows about, except us, because we were there. That 'bad person' we carry around inside of us that's torn at us, berated us, hurt us and degraded us; we've been carrying all along for them. We are that strong that we chose to carry the badness of others as our own.

So drop it...

And what happens when we lighten that load?

Joy happens and love because we are not and never have been 'a bad person'.

But maybe now we get to be bad ass...

Bad Ass - 'A person who defines supreme confidance, fearlessness, nearly divine abilty, and a frequent disregard for authority...'

And if that authority is unjust then that's the kind of bad ass that rocks. Because there is a hell of a lot of authority out there that preaches injustice as though it was a 'nice' thing and there is nothing nice about it at all. They're carrying our 'nice person' round as if it was their own and really, I think it's time we got it back...

Find your way out of Trauma:- The Survivor Warrior Workbook
This powerful workbook is used as a teaching tool with therapists, support groups and community education programs. It was inspired by Angela's Removing the Sword of Trauma events. It is for survivors, warriors, advocates, loved ones and supporters ready to move past pain and suffering and reclaim joy and happiness. You can use the workbook in a group, on your own or with your therapist.This workbook is 117 pages long and is a DOWNLOAD. Thank you for your commitment to healing BUY NOW $9.99
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