It's strange sometimes we have to go through a lot of unwellness or suffering before we figure wellness as an option. We're very ready to be below par and put up with problems like headaches or sniffles; we don't think of normal as 'healthy' but that's what it should be. Our 'normal' should be spark full of energy as we were as kids. But we intoxicate ourselves and stay in bed and watch TV and smoke and generally don't seem to want to be nice to ourselves, but the payback from being nice to ourselves is HUGE!Doing this course is proof that applying these positive methods is working. I am being productive and from the comments I've already received I'm having a positive impact. There is energy available to carry out the projects and things I have only dreamed about. The main difference has been my willingness to not listen to my own doubts and fears. Now when I get a negative/destructive belief/thought/judgement I just put it aside, I literally ignore it and have a mental image of putting that energy behind me. I switch my thoughts to the positive action I can do; actually, even before that, I turn my mind first to the positive results I wish to see because they inspire me more.
I haven't always been this positive; I was as a kid, and then quite the opposite as a teenager. Later my experiences made me thoroughly lacking in confidence. I feel like over the years I've been tempering steel in myself.
When I was little and very ill with Eczema my parents fought to get me into a special school, they quite literally saved my life, I had one of the severest forms of this condition -with two germs waging war against each other within my skin and me as well and the distraction and lack of sleep drove me out of my mind (and body, all my memories are from outside of myself) and both my parents had no sleep and had to work; my mum had a nervous breakdown and my brother I think, was quite neglected, but so lovely that I remember seeing him looking very helpless at what to do, yet wanting so much to help. He didn't know it but his just being there and wanting - helped.
I got better at the school and turned into a tearaway. Then I got depressed, and when I realised this in my late teens I read up on it and saw that exercise was a cure. Instead of taking up jogging I went on a selection weekend to become an Adventure Sports Instructor, and fake-smiled a lot. Somehow I passed, and then I had to fake-smile and laugh, and act, and motivate kids/adults a lot more; until three months later I laughed quite spontaneously and unrehearsed. Nobody realised that depression was one of the reasons I took up adventure sports.
After the season was over I contracted Glandular Fever. The Doctor prescribed bedrest which was lucky as there wasn't anything else I could do; I couldn't stand up, feed myself, clothe myself or anything for a week or two. For some reason the Doctor didn't say that Glandular Fever is a form of the Epstein Barr Virus (a streptococcus with teeth) and that it can result in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or M.E; as I didn't know this for the next few years I simply thought I wasn't so well because of my Asthma or Eczema or something, but slowly it became obvious as it developed into C.F.S to the point that somedays I couldn't get out of bed to get a drink of water. Again it was only a few people who knew, even then they may not have known just how debilitated I was. Getting money sorted was a nightmare, I failed all my job commitments remarkably reliably and to my own chagrin because I was a fighter, I 'did' things, I got myself out of trouble, I was independent.
When I finally thought 'enough's enough', I went to see a Doctor of Tibetan Medicine. I knew that western medicine is good if you're just about to die of whatever, but for chronic conditions an Eastern/Native medical tradition was my best bet, plus I'd always been interested in Tibetan practices. I was very lucky; this Doctor, Christopher Hansard and his Apprentice Physician, Stephanie Wright from The Eden Medical Centre, Kings Road, Chelsea, London went out of their way to help me. I still feel I owe them so much. Slowly over the last six/seven years I've been able to rebuild my energy levels, my immune system and all the vitality that had been stolen by the M.E.
I learned that my muscles weren't getting enough oxygen and that explained the symptoms of weakness, lack of concentration and poor sleep. It takes such a long time to understand this illness when you're the one that has it it's no wonder it's so misunderstood. I beat myself up about it so much. It wasn't until last March that the symptom of a fogginess over my mind lifted (I wasn't consciously aware of it until it went), suddenly I could remember things and I started memorising poetry just because I could! It was a joy. Since then that fogginess has come and gone but now it's mostly gone and I'm doing exercise consistently without the fatigue backlash I used to get a day or two after. There's also a liver weakness with this illness so I've taken Dandelion root tea and Burdock to strengthen my liver and this too has definitely helped.
My point in relaying this story apart from the fact that including things like Dandelion and Burdock in your diet will also help you feel more alive; is that whatever experience I've faced, I've faced it down and wrenched something amazingly positive from it. Of course I have been helped by so many people there's not enough space to thank them, but what I want to do now is to make sure that you don't have to suffer so much before you decide to be as fit as you can be; be your healthiest you; that you don't have to go through as much as I did before you believe that you deserve to be the happiest you can be - because you do. No matter who you are, what you've done or haven't done, you deserve not just happiness, but joy.
It is rare that we consider the gift we have in just being human; in simply being us, with all the capacity we have for living, for loving, for all of life in its glorious days and minutes.
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